Saturday, December 07, 2002

Still more evidence of fellow traveller Saddam's endless compassion and humanity.

Just like Amrozi the Bali bomber, he apologized for what he was forced to do. Yet, as I've mentioned before, John Howard still hasn't said sorry to the little black people in Australia for eating their babies over the last 800 years! Yet his popularity is at an all-time high, and people say that he is not a racist.

Of course he's a racist! He wants the little black people and the little yellow people and the little swarthy people to work within his appalling, economically rationalist paradigm and make lots of money like all the superior and dominant racist white people! He wants one standard, and one standard for all! Fascist! Peenie-waver! Racist!

Sorry. I lost it a little then. But I'm angry, and I have a right to be!

(See, there you go, even I apologized for my behaviour. And yet I was the victim! I think Howard should apologize for making me do that, too. I'll get in touch with HREOC and see if they can help me launch another sorry campaign.)

Thursday, December 05, 2002

Tim Blair asks why Carmen Lawrence doesn't resign from the Labor Party, and not just the shadow cabinet. Well Tim, don't you see she's taking the Buddhist Middle Way? She's making a compromise, which is more conducive to cosmic harmony than just cutting all ties with the party. (She does yoga you know. She knows all about these things.)

Also, she knows that "you've got to be in it to win it" (and I don't mean that in a competitive sense). It's the same with me and "free trade", actually. I continue with my creative sneezing and cat-dancing classes not because they are highly lucrative (although they are, unfortunately) but because I can do more to alter the nature of capitalism by working within the paradigm. Rather than merely shouting from the sidelines -- although I do that too, of course! I was there at Homebush, fellow travellers. Don't you worry about that! Remember the guy who scared Hollywood the horse with the firecrackers earlier in the year? That was me! -- I can truly empower the Left by being an insider in the process of "civilising global capital".

(Since I've mentioned the classes, fellow travellers, I might as well inform you that the next creative sneezing course will be held in January. I'll post the exact details here when the time approaches. You can attend for a whole week at $10,000 Australian, or for just one full day at $2,000. You can pay by credit card if you really have to. But I'd much prefer cash. You don't want to make all those horrible bankers rich now do you?)

Tuesday, December 03, 2002

Now we know why the Great McSatanite Tex at Whacking Day is so incoherent. He's a beer afficionado.

I have only once drunk beer, I'm proud to say. I did so as part of a role-playing experiment while trying to get inside the collective psyche of the Great Unloofah-ed. But I have a yeast allergy so I burst out in the most horrible splotches and vomited all over my futon.

Ugh! Appalling!

Now, I never drink anything stronger than peppermint tea. And see how searing my arguments are? My rhetoric is crystal clear -- just like my urine.

Fellow travellers, I have recently found out that some people actually think that I'm some sort of satirical construction. This is entirely untrue. I am very real. (Well, not that anything is ultimately "real", or "true" in, like, the Eurocentric, "objective" sense. As both Eastern mystics and post-modern philosophers tell us everything is either mystical or contextual and therefore ultimately unknowable -- except by people like me, of course.)

But, in the progressive, spiritual sense, yes I am very real. (Put it this way: We all create our own reality, right? Well I've created mine, which is me. Okay?)

Anyway, this blogger who doubted my temporal existence accused me of making a factual error. You see, in my post of November 29th, I stated that mobilising dolphins against Iraq was stupid because the country is landlocked. He said that this was a false claim.

Well, I had a look at a map, and yes it does appear that Iraq possesses a coastline. But remember that cartography is a very phallocentric, "rational" form of representation, and therefore we should all be very doubtful of its veracity.

(Anyway, the coastline in question is so tiny as to be irrelevant. The volume of sea-water lapping against it would surely be too small to contain even one dolphin, let alone a whole flotilla! See, here's Iraq. Here's a dolphin. Now, mentally transpose the dolphin onto the gulf area. See what I mean?)

So my claim still holds true. And Dubya is still a moron.

So there.

Sunday, December 01, 2002

So Dannii Minogue is in hot water over recent racist comments.

Well, I'm sorry Dannii, but I'm not going to be very sympathetic to you! You deserve all the trouble you get, quite frankly. Ever since you had your breasts enlarged I pegged you as a Nazi. You were a role model to many young women all over the world, and you acted irresponsibly. Fancy forcing them to have surgery to make themselves more attractive to men like that! Appalling.

You upset me so greatly that I even put a poster of you in a swimsuit up on my wall to remind me of your reprehensible act. I look at tit often.

Maintain the rage, sisters!