Appalling Texan Nazi Rachel Lucas berates Arianna Huffington for equating SUV use with "terrorism" in an ad. But as usual, the "rational" Rachel has everything upside down and back to front. She looks at the "evidence" and draws a "conclusion". And so her "truth" says that just driving a car that guzzles lots of gas doesn't mean that you are necessarily funding "terrorists".

Sounds kind of plausible on the surface. But we progressives know what's really going on, don't we? Just as Michael Moore searingly points out in his movie that it was that bank handing out free guns to new customers and the NATO bombing in Kosovo (that is, America's culture of violence) that actually caused the Columbine massacre, so too Arianna gets to the heart of the matter and finds the awful truth about SUVs and "terrorism". (Of course there are many truths, fellow travellers, but Arianna's and Mike's are truer, because they're awfuller. It's sad, but true (awfully): the more awful the awfulness, the truer the truth.)

Now, I can't delineate Arianna's reasoning exactly, but here's mine on the matter (which I'm sure is fairly close to hers): SUVs are big and clunky and ostentatious. Therefore they are clearly a metaphor for The Peenie. This is why only inadequate, phallocentric, Republican-voting testosteroids drive SUVs. (And if women do, then they are sadly validating the phallocentric paradigm, and therefore participating in their own oppression. And ours.)

So, the SUV is a symbol of the capitalist-Republican-phallocentric paradigm. As we all know, this is also the paradigm of war. The little swarthy people in the Middle East are sick of this war paradigm, and so are trying to subvert it through freedom fighting, or "terrorism". (That is, Dubya declares war on "terror", so Osama declares "terror" on war. You simply can't have one without the other.) Therefore, merely driving an SUV actively reinforces the war paradigm, and consequently the "terror" paradigm also. Get rid of the SUVs, and you necessarily get rid of the "terror".

This same accusation cannot be levelled at other kinds of cars because Democrats and Greens and little black people drive other kinds of cars. Therefore other kinds of cars are not perpetuating the war paradigm.

See, Rachel. It's very simple when you really think about it.

PS: Also, if a progressive person drives an SUV, she (or he) is subverting the dominant (war) paradigm. Which is why they should be exempt from Arianna's accusation.

Fellow travellers, being such a spiritual person I do find this internet stuff a little daunting. So I've only just worked out how to include an e-mail address on this page. It's just there, to the left (and where else would it be for me?) underneath my truly joyous and empowering photo, and before the blog roll.

Don't hesitate to e-mail me for spiritual, philosophical or political advice. I'll be more than happy to offer you the benefits of my wisdom.

Just when I thought that the influence of the patriarchy in academe was waning, I discovered that this was not the case. In a Chilean university, students have been lured into enrolment by a repulsive ad showing a naked woman.

Some might say that this is benign, or tacky at worst. But the subtext is far more sinister, fellow travellers. Since women are liberated now, they will automatically find the images appallingly sexist and demeaning. Fearful of such an unfriendly atmosphere on campus they will cancel their enrolments and return to the demeaning roles of wives and mothers. Only peenie-waving testosteroids will attend, and increase their appalling phallocentric hegemony in Chilean society.

Appalling. Just appalling.